By Renee Mosiman, M.A. and Mike Mosiman,
A secure attachment between mother and child is important in developing cognitive, social and emotional abilities in children. Research shows that a mother-child relationship that is secure is correlated to higher intelligence and academic achievement in children. Additionally, these children are more confident, display greater curiosity, are more resourceful, show greater leadership and are more interactive with peers. So how can you create a secure bond with your child?
One desirable parenting attribute is warmth, which may be demonstrated in several ways: verbally, physically, or in other expressive forms. Make sure to show you care by giving your child praise and encouragement. Not only what you say but how you speak to your youngster will make a difference in your child’s attachment. Your child will respond better to patience and attentiveness.
Give plenty of accolades. A child never tires of being told he or she is doing a great job, and there are few better ways to build a child’s healthy self-image than praise. When your youngster does something well, make sure it does not go unnoticed – give a compliment. By doing so, you build a child’s sense of self worth. You let your child know that he or she matters. In turn, your youngster will be more confident in whatever he or she does. And your child will carry this confidence, developed in early childhood, into adulthood.
In addition to verbal praise, physical expression is also meaningful. A pat on the back or kiss on the cheek are two examples. Other displays of affection that are neither verbal nor physical may include a wink or a smile. These are subtle but can be consistent reminders to your child that he or she matters.
Parents should be sensitive and responsive. They should identify children’s cues and respond appropriately and consistently to the youngster’s needs. With a preschool age child, you need to be aware the child needs help and then provide the proper level of assistance. Give your child enough support to complete a task but to still be challenged. Let him or her maintain a sense of autonomy even though you are lending a hand.
And lastly, keep a positive attitude with your child. Children lack not only the physical and mental skills of adults, but also emotional maturity. Never resort to saying something that will demean or degrade your child. Berating a child is a sure way to break the spirit and to destroy a youngster’s self-worth. This is especially true when scorn comes from the most trusted person in a child’s life: the parent. If your youngster does something incorrectly, gently correct him or her or work together to find the solution.
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